The Villain collected Matchbox cars when he was with Birdy, lots of them, kept them in boxes, we were not allowed to play with them or even open the boxes to just look at them, i didn’t want to play with them ANYWAY.

I remembered this when i saw a facebook post this morning, the South Australia Police page made a bit of a mockery of a crime where an 18 year old guy stole 200 Matchbox cars. He stole 200 kids toy cars! They follow this up, they made an arrest and charged him with theft and unlawful possession. No one was hurt and now this young man has a record, look out, these police are tough.

Now you see where i am going with this right?

Lets put this into perspective. The owner good ole Joe blogs from Car-land, South Australia and owner of these 200 cars, would have had to have cut his losses at the loss of his toys if they weren’t found. He would have moved on and collected Furby’s or Lego Barbie playsets instead. He was probably not emotionally or mentally scarred by this theft unless he was feeling especially sensitive that day. The silly 18 year old boy will have that record against him for stealing toys for a few years leaving him unable to get a job and unable to contribute to society like a ‘good’ human should (insert sarcasm).

Adult me in 2015 : I Suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, compulsive swearing and unnecessary sarcasm at the hands of a man who thinks what he’s done to me is no big deal. I have cried so much over what happened that I thought my heart might break.  He sexually abused a child, he manipulated a child, he physically hurt a child, a little girl that had her entire childhood of ponies and dreams ahead of her. He caused distress and confusion to a child who grew into a woman that can now put those memories into addresses, timelines, down to the year and can write countless feelings and emotions about it and yet there is nothing the Police or Sex crimes investigation unit can do for me because it’s a historical sexual abuse claim. My word against his. Should it really matter when it happened? Isn’t what should matter is that it happened at all? And even if at the time i came forward that first time as a small child, what would the difference be? Especially when you consider that only 2% – 15% of children that are sexually abused even have injuries consistent with sexual abuse.

As an adult i suffer, the victims, we all suffer, and sure there’s that 2% chance i’m just making this all up right? 98% of children and adults that claim to be sexually abused actually are, only 2% made that up…. Maybe i’m just trying to get money? No… He’s on been on ‘disability‘ welfare (someone that continued to ride motorbikes and surf)  because he’s got a bad back probably from kneeling over my bed too much. I’m not accusing some upstanding ‘man’ with a community that loves and dotes on this man, I have nothing to gain from this. I’m talking about a ‘man’, that has 5 children to different women that he hasn’t been able to support financially, a man that hasn’t wanted to hold down a job, a 60 odd year old ‘man’ with long dirty dreadlocked hair and missing teeth that has lived with his mother for years and owes countless people money. A man that left Birdy with thousands of dollars worth of phone bills because he had a secret sex line addiction, a man that was having a relationship with a woman from those lines and used my family’s last name, a man who was caught many times rubbing up Birdy’s younger friends while they slept at parties or the time Birdy caught him in a caravan in a local caravan park with a friend with a High school girl sitting on his lap. A ‘man’ that got off over molesting little girls.

This is the ‘man’ i can’t not have convicted.

I see countless posts on facebook about how pedophiles should be killed or raped in prison, or death. I would never want to stoop to his level, I don’t think anyone no matter how bad someone was deserves that. Countless people agree with the idea that they should be made to suffer the same as they gave, eye for an eye type thing . I don’t, i don’t want him to suffer in pain, I don’t want him to die or kill him nor do I want anyone else to kill him even though i may have considered painting his car or knifing his tyres every week. I honestly do not believe that him being in prison would actually help me heal, it won’t bring me closure or happiness but to think of him sitting in a cell day after day till the day he died with criminals for me would be relief, just relief that he won’t hurt me or anyone else, that he was finally held accountable for his actions, if anything to prove to him that i am actually stronger than him, because right now the ‘law’ has made me weak.  I want what he deserves, to rot in prison not having access to his precious matchbox cars, bass guitar, deep fried, battered cauliflower and most importantly any more children. I want him to regret every time he touched her little soul crushed body taking part of her with him when he walked away, regretting the time he rubbed a 6-7 year old girl raw, regretting even glancing in my direction in the beginning.

People like him do not deserve the privilege of death. Death is too easy for them. Death is not a punishment. Death is freedom.


24 thoughts

  1. I am so sorry for your pain. Thank you for sharing it with us and for being a voice for those still hurting and not ready to face the journey to healing. Keep pushing forward. I pray one day, very, very soon, he is caught!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wanted to add, prison, yes, and of course. And for a long, long time. Life would be good. I live with it for life.
      You are gentler, and much kinder than me. Though I may not imagine such things now for my attackers, I once wanted to rip them apart.
      Around here, even when someone is convicted for sexually attacking a child and goes to prison, it isn’t for very long. It seems that it’s much less than even a drug user or dealer. That’s so wrong. Don’t people know the damage done? Must be not.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Because the scars are not visible it doesny seem as bad i guess so they make it less punishable. They’re just never going to get what they deserve. Which is life sentences. They are worse than that hardest drug dealer yet thwy just get away with those short sentences.


      2. I never saw my brothers punished in any way. I felt more punished, wrong, bad, and more like the criminal than they did. They were protected to protect the family’s reputation. Keep it quiet. Keep her quiet.
        I think as a society, people still don’t want to think about it, shaking their heads as if shaking the gritty thoughts away. To do those things to a child, or even want to, is too hard for people to comprehend or even think about. So they don’t. That needs to change, because it’s their children and ours at risk.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I just will never understand why people have made this a taboo subject. It’s the reason that so many people get away with it and its why so many children feel so helpless to speak out. They need to be talking about this in schools, and at home.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes! I’m not sure what state, but I think there has been positive changes in some pertaining to this. That there is no time limit, or that it’s been lengthened due to the years it may take for a child to come forward, until adulthood if she ever does.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Please do! I hear from a detective today. Apparently its going no where still. Ive made the accusation. They haven’t even interviewed him because i apparently have no eye witnesses.


      3. Im in Australia, I don’t think we have that either. However i spoke to my Detective yesterday and still nothing, i can’t have the Villain even interviewed because there were no ‘eye’ witnesses, regardless of the fact that my mum saw him a few times with his hand rubbing my back…. Something is just not right. 😦


  2. Death is freedom. My dad committed suicide to free himself but the other villian is still alive. I’ve often thought about going to the police but he didn’t abuse me, two others that I know of and likely many more. Like you I’d like to see him rot in prison but would he ever be convicted? Probably not.

    Just last week there was a story in our local news about 4 children who were sexually abused by their father. The mother knew and told, the children were interviewed and told but neither the government social workers nor the police believed them. They believed the father. A judge had even ruled the father shouldn’t have unsupervised visits but the ministry ignored the ruling, left the children in the fathers care, thought the mother was crazy and the children were molested. And who will pay? Probably not the father, nor the police or the ministry. The children will be the ones who suffer. It’s sick.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh really? Its like they dont care. Or take anything into consideration. Its just so awful. Thise poor kids lives will be awful becausenthey didn’t protect them.
      Im so sorry to hear about your dad. 😦 Unfortunately for a lot of people the pain is just too much. I don’t see it as weak but i completely understand why people want the release.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing this. I hope that you get the healing that you need. I relate to your story, and am still trying to find my place in this world. Struggling with the ‘failure’ of having to file for disability due to my severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD issues, over a childhood of abuse. It is true that I have found out I am autistic as well – for that reason I was unable to speak about it until my mid teens, and even then only in writing. My father is dead and gone now. I don’t wish him into hell. I didn’t even wish him dead. I wanted for him to acknowledge what he did to me, and be sorry, really sorry, and then heal. I don’t know what was broken in him to cause him to do this to me. He was social. He was close to his family. He was a hard worker. He had a lot of friends. He was funny. I am broken, lost, and alone. Far from my family because I ran. Ran from the pain in my head. Ran from the memories. Ran from the shame. I am alone and afraid. But I don’t hate him. I just wish he had understood what he did to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The hardest part sometimes i find that we want them to understand what they have done, and the pain they have caused, and often they will never understand. Sounds like you have had a rough time 😦 Hope you are doing ok! ~A

      Liked by 1 person

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