Once upon a time long long ago when our second child Moo was a mere three months old I said to Batman:
“Let’s have another baby!”.
Batman didn’t agree nor disagree and we did that whole try-not-to-try thing, but somewhere there within that 2 weeks I rubbed myself up against some kind of fertility god statue somewhere and I was pregnant, so we cancelled our massive drug parties and became expecting spawn parents again, ones that actually already had a new baby.
My initial reaction was, this is so exciting, maybe this time I’ll get one I like (I Kid I kid). I actually was over the moon, the moon was at knee height… We actually were happy but we just expected it to take longer especially since falling pregnant with Moo had taken about a year with miscarriages in between. I read later that getting pregnant after giving birth increases your chances and you will infact by the laws of the universe fall pregnant again easily, let this be a lesson to you.
Having 3 children now; 10, 4 and 3, (those last two birthdays are 12 months and 9 days apart), I can honestly say it’s fucking hard sometimes, and if you try tell me different I will assume you are being a pompous jerk and are in fact lying.
So here are 5 reasons to really think about having your children stupid close together:
- The bigger one will never understand “be careful with the baby’s head” and you’ll forever be trying to stop a chunky thighed toddler from crushing your infant’s brains and your imagination will lead you to thoughts of that horrific scene at the end of ‘The Human centipede 2’.
- The smaller one will always scream when you least need her to, when that toddler has fought sleep all day and you finally get him down and he’s in that almost.asleep.just.5.more.minutes.stage. When you hear the faint whimper of a baby in the next room and your heart sinks but you don’t dare hop up or move your arm from under that toddler because any sudden movements will mean the toddler will wake up and you would rather cut off your arm to escape, like all those one night stands you had back in the day. The baby screams and wakes the toddler up anyway and then you have two screaming children. See below:
- Going to the shops? Don’t. Just don’t.
No amount of food is worth the stress of two small children in the supermarket because without a doubt the baby will shit her pants and the parents room will be a far walk from where you are, then your toddler is tired and grumpy from walking and then once confined to the parents room won’t stop touching every single nappy bin in the room spreading an array of shit smells, then you spend the rest of the trip with a screaming baby because she has gas or is just a baby and the toddler has had enough of being confined to one seat. Just don’t, just go home.
- Did you make your 3 & 4 year olds a kid friendly dinner? Well kid 3 loves it, but kid 4 doesn’t, it’s yuck and he doesn’t like dinner ever infact . Well, guess what? Kid 3 now hates it too. No one eats. Now there’s two dinners on the floor, the best place for a dinner in my opinion and you have to resist food shaming them with the ole ‘There are kids in that are starving in 3rd world countries and they wouldn’t just throw it on the floor’.
- Bedtime is rough, My younger ones share a bedroom, as many children that close will do. It’s fucked up. EVERY. SINGLE.NIGHT. is like trying to put a Siamese fighting fish to bed with another Siamese fighting fish. That first 5 minutes after the final bed tuck is the most anxious 5 minutes if they aren’t asleep with in then. You’ll probably spend hours walking into the room then out of the room, saying things like “shhh, go to sleep, get in your bed, get in your own bed, put the toys back, you just had a drink, I’ll cut you, sleep time now”. Before you begin the threats of ‘Santa’ or ‘The easter bunny‘ or ‘You’ll never see your family again if you don’t go the fuck to sleep’.
Having said all this there is of course amazingly beautiful moments that make you say out loud “This is why we did this” (you know to convince yourself you did the right thing) such as:
- At our four year olds Kindy visit just yesterday (where all the family can go too) Moo didn’t like the clapping in a song the teacher was singing so he covered his ears, his three year old sister without any hesitation placed her arm around him and comforted him. Batman and I looked at eachother and we just knew that was the best moment of having children close together.
- The do eventually play together, you know, when they aren’t shanking each other.
- You get double the cuddles, adoration and love; my daughter just looked up at me and said with tears in her eyes “I’m sad for you, mum” and when I asked why, she said “Because I love you”, I think she’s getting sick and is delusional, cos that shit makes no sense, but you get me right?
- They have the best conversations with each other, kids talk about the most random things like “hey do you want this for your birthday?” like they’re going to go out and buy it but usually something to do with bum bums or cars and My little pony’s.
- It’s the little moments, the moments you easily can forget like, when they tell each other they love each other, or give random cuddles to each other. The times they defend each other if one of the gets told off, they will yell “don’t yell at my sister” or “you can’t say that to my sister” (Here regardless if you are a brother, you are always a sister). They always have each others back even if they did have the shanks out only minutes earlier.Having said all this and seeming like I hate it, I don’t, I actually do really love it. My kids, the life I have made around them is fun and often tedious but I am forever learning new things about myself. These kids are the reason I get up each day and they are the reason I want to better myself. No matter how hard life with them can sometimes be it is worth every moment.