The concept of Santa is really weird…
You excitedly take your kids to the shops at Christmas time… none the less . You line up for like 70 hours and get into line wars with the pushy woman with the ‘tude’ and one kid because she’s nudging her way in front of you when your back is turned to calm your own savage beasts, then finally you are mere steps away from seeing that red suited man when you have to remind the lady “No, nope, I don’t want your $80 pack of Santa photos”. They’re shit photo’s anyway, my kids face always looks flat and it’s not flat and the other kid looks like a potato, and he wasn’t a potato last time I checked.

Finally you get them somewhere in or around Santa, you might even get them to talk to him, they may even sit right on his lap, weird…
Your child may have chatted politely, mumbled, cried, rocked back and forth or asked for all the things you refused to buy, like a second sister or a pony. Your child may have even sat on his knee, your child may have even allowed santa to lift him/her up onto it….
When they’re done you walk away thinking “pfft, Santa’s display was a little bit shit this year” or you walk away crying and bleeding because the mum in the line shanked you.

Let’s talk about how many parents force the Santa visit.  I’ve seen it. I have seen it. They laugh out loud while they watch their children cry because Santa is fucking scary but hey, the photo will be cute, cute and flat.
They whip out the cameras and get photos and post them on facebook.. What the hell guys …..guys…guys, you just willingly scared your own child on purpose. Don’t do that. It’s really mean, mean and weird.

You wouldn’t walk into the food court, find a fat man looking rather jolly and tell your kid to go and sit on his lap, let the kid cry in fear and take some happy snaps for your frames at home. So just don’t Kay!? 

I mean sure, if they really want to sit on Santa’s lap, go for it, by all means. I won’t judge you or your child for doing so. Or even if you felt the need to pop on over to the jolly fat guy in the food court and go take a seat, that is completely your decision assuming that no child is harmed in the process.

Santa you’re weird, and where did you come from? I dread you a little bit every year because I find the whole notion of you kind of creepy.
Sorry Santa, please bring me a new laptop…

A few years ago there was a Santa at our local shops that actually was accused of 5 counts of child sexual abuse while he sat there being a jolly old Santa, and while he was found “not guilty” of the charges, doesn’t it make you think? Surely they must screen these men for the job?
Yes. They would, they do.
But how would you feel if your daughter sat on my Villains lap?
The man that sexually abused me for 6 years. He’s walking around free, he  has no charges against him and in turn means he could work with children, according to the laws it never happened to me and if he decided he wanted to be Santa, he could. 

We spend so much time warning our kids about strangers, until Christmas time comes and it becomes completely acceptable for kids to sit on random men in red fat suits. To make it even weirder we go and put a photo of a weird man with our kids sitting on him on our fridge and pass out to family. I do not want a photo of Santa. Do you really?

We spend year after year taking the kids to see this “same” man every year, so much so that they get used to it and excited about it instead of concerned but you know that each Christmas it’s probably a new guy right?

Ummm. No thanks. Oh no, No Thank you no. Oh yuck. 

I totally get the symbolism of Christmas, I do.I love it, all of it.
I use Santa to bribe my little elves to sleep, to be good, and to stop shanking their siblings with Lego, and I will take my kids to see Santa if they want to but I won’t be allowing them to sit on Santa’s knee this year. Call me overcautious but my kids can still be completely absorbed in the Christmas spirit and experience without putting them into the arms of strangers.

All we are doing to the kids is conditioning them into being comfortable around a stranger dressed in familiar clothes, is that really the kind of power you want to give to strangers?

Where has your Santa been lately?

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