There is no shortage of news stories and reports on Pedophiles. It is absolutely everywhere, every few reports are on yet another child porn ring found out, another offender getting out of prison, pedophiles are seemingly everywhere.
The name pedophile stings my skin like I’ve left a Pore pack to dry on my skin too long.
To be a pedophile is the lowest of the low, you are even lower than Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Okay no more jokes. This is serious.

What is a Pedophile?
Pedophilia or paedophilia is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children (Wiki).

Fun fact: Not all child sexual abusers are pedophiles. To read more on that click here. Learn yourself some potentially useful information and possibly save a child from abuse.

Pedophelia is classed as a Psychiatric disorder. But others argue that it is actually a sexual orientation. I have done a considerable amount of reading into it because I find that if I can understand it, I am able to feel better about the abuse I endured as a child.
My belief lies somewhere between pedophelia being an orientation and a disorder, I haven’t made up my mind. Nor do I know enough about it. However; for arguments sake lets assume it is a orientation; does it change things even if it is?

I don’t believe any man or woman would ever choose to be attracted to children. Can you imagine trying to live a normal life and how hard and exhausting that might be? The shame and guilt would be painful enough. There lies part of my belief that it is a sexual orientation. You just wouldn’t choose that.

What would we do if one of our children came to us with this?

Since pedophelia is such a dark and scary label and incredibly damaging to many children and future adults, are we looking it the right way?
There are no known counselling services in my area if someone was to come to me and say “I think I’m a pedophile”. They probably wouldn’t even come to me to say it in the first place because the shame and hatred associated with being attracted to children would scare any person into hiding.
There’s nothing for them. No support, no hotline they can call, no one to support them in a desperate time which could be the difference between them hurting a child or not.
This is where I believe many people would offend- they have isolated themselves, they essentially have nothing to lose because they have nowhere to go or no services to assist them. So how easy it could be to just give in.
It’s actually really sad.

My concern is that perhaps we aren’t talking about the ‘orientation’ or ‘disorder’ like it’s a real thing out there, we warn children against them, we brutally label them. But us, real people aren’t having serious discussions about what it means to us, to people we know, to anyone in the world. 

Do we need to begin to have discussions with our teenagers about pedophelia, and what to do, or where to go for help and support should they ever find they have these attractions? And even if we were to begin to have these conversations what would we tell them?
I don’t even know. Do you? But I am willing to learn. I am open to the idea that Pedophelia is a ‘thing’ to be adressed now by families in everyday life.

No one likes pedophiles, no want wants to know about them, but chances are you have probably crossed one in your lifetime; I know I have. Read a comments thread on any given anti-pedophile page online and you are guaranteed to  see that 95-99% of the comments are hateful spiteful ones. I feel the same way about offending pedophiles or sex offenders just as the the next person does, if they offended, they offended, they potentially ruined a life,or many lives and they need to be punished for their actions.
But what about the ones that don’t, they don’t hurt anyone, being attracted to someone isn’t illegal (while for us regular peeps we feel it should be, because we don’t understand, because we don’t want to). But if they do what they can to avoid hurting anyone then it’s not so bad, compared to the things that could happen to a child. I wonder how many less children could have been hurt had there been support services available to the high risk pedophiles.

I believe we need to change our perspective, we need to change our education on this ‘Orientation’ or ‘disorder’. Because not all pedophiles offend, some live regular lives, some of them are decent and moral people just like us.  They like you and I, didn’t get to chose who they are attracted to.
This is not to protect them but to protect our children. The problem lies with the abusers, we need to start treating the actual problem, the offending pedophiles/child molesters. Not waiting till years later when the abused child starts to show mental health issues and then carries them well into adulthood.

Protecting our children is priority. So if the method being used isn’t working then I think it’s time for change. It’s a thing now….

*disclosure: I am in no way taking sides with pedophiles, I in no way condone the behaviour of offending pedophiles. I do however believe that with better support in place, this world can become a safer place for our babies. I’d also love to hear people’s views on this, so please comment and let me know. 


19 thoughts

  1. Thanks for posting this article. I’ll never fully understand the experience never having been through it but I can relate to trying to understand why adults would want to mentally abuse children or even beat them growing up in that environment. I agree, the issue should be looked at through the source, nip it at the bus so to speak as opposed to pick up the pieces of the aftermath.
    My mum gave me some great advice when I was a teenager. I asked her if she thought I wasn’t a good person if I wasn’t mentally well, and she said ‘As long as you’re not hurting anyone or yourself, you’re fine’

    Liked by 2 people

    1. And your mum is so right. I think that’s a good way to live.
      Picking up the pieces after probably costs the world more in money and time than actually figuring out how to help them. I think?
      I don’t know if what I’m writing is even correct or fair, but eh. What else can I say 🙂
      Thanks for taking the time to read.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Difficult topic. My immediate response is to avoid topics like this, because those conversations usually don’t go well for survivors. And because I don’t ever want to feel any kind of understanding. But I read it and thought about it and I agree. We do need better services to prevent pedophiles from hurting children. It would be to help us, since I think many people wouldn’t want to help pedophiles or make their lifes “easier”. But really, it would be better for us.
    I think there’s a lot of work to do to improve the support services around any kind of sexual abuse. In my experience survivors are left alone too much, often not believed and indeed have a lot of problems later in life which they can’t get good care for. We need better treatments and keep a better watch on offenders and we definitely need better prevention.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is very difficult. And difficult for survivors because it’s hard to have any sympathy for them as a whole.
      But I’m glad it got you thinking, that’s honestly all I ask. I don’t even expect many people to agree, I’ve voiced this before on public forums and have been slammed and called a child abuser etc. but I don’t take offence and I get why. It’s sensitive.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to step outside your comfort zone to give my writing a chance.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Those responses are ridiculous. You aren’t writing that you feel for them or agree with them or worse. I think all you want is to prevent that they will do these things. Your writing makes sense to me. And I agree that help might prevent them looking for ways to enable themselves or worse. And this help doesn’t mean they will have a shoulder to cry on, that people will reassure them they are normal, that it’s ok to think/feel like this etc. This help doesn’t have to be kind and friendly, if you know what I mean. I think people can become confused about that.
        Usually an alcoholic or drug abuser needs help to make sure they won’t use it again. I guess they are a bit like addicts too.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes. I think people might think that helping”them” might mean something like, feeling sorry for them, or pandering to them, or like it’s saying it’s okay. Its just not that. People will always be entitled to their own opinions. And maybe always think they’re right which is why I don’t think this help will come for them any time soon unfortunately. Which is why I think conversations and blogs like this one are important.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I do believe prevention is key! Isolation is the worst thing for a pedophile, because it is a shameful psychiatric disorder/orientation..
    It would be horrible if either one of us was born this way and couldn’t help it! It isn’t their fault they are attracted to children, just like it is not anybody’s fault they are homosexual..However, as long as no child is hurt in any way, that is what matters..I think therapy and support for pedophiles would be beneficial..It would be great if psychologists could do some more research in this area..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I just don’t believe that most child molesters are people with a pathological attraction to children who have difficulty controlling their urges. I think there are a lot of other factors at play, like cowardice, the desire to control another person, denial and hatred. Having sex with a child is a violent act. It is not an expression of sexual orientation. I think that most people who molest children are not necessarily “pedophiles”, but people who have refused to take responsibility for their own actions, and who choose to harm others in secrecy. It is a choice. And they choose to harm the most vulnerable, because of cowardice. Rapists are not just men with high sex drives, and child molesters are not just people who are attracted to children. They are not unlucky and they don’t deserve sympathy. They have made a choice to harm another human being, and there are consequences when you do that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. No offending pedophile deserves any sympathy, any understanding. They hurt someone. They deserve nothing. Yes. Agreed. But that’s not what I’m saying. It’s hard to get this point across without being misunderstood. What I am saying that there are hundreds even thousands of potential teenagers growing up attracted to children, with no support, if those teenagers had support and guidance then maybe the chance of them offending and not hurting children as adults could be slimmer. Halved. Quartered. Even if it worked for just one pedophile that could possibly save up to 150 plus children from being sexually abused.
      Why wouldn’t you WANT or need to take that chance? Because what other choice do we have?

      Has anything we have already done worked?

      There are hundreds or thousands of pedophiles out there that are at risk of offending because they are isolated and unsupported by anything ever. Imagine if that were you. What would you have to lose?

      Regardless of whether it be an orientation or something else. Nothing changes. The result for years and years has always resulted in the same thing.

      It’s time for change. Unless your happy for thousands of people to continue the way we have been. Then something ha to change.

      There ARE pedophiles who refuse to harm children. People with morals from decent families. With good support systems. What about those that don’t? They need the support.

      And there should be consequences when people harm people. But that’s not a real reality. I was abused for 6 years when I was little. Sexually abused night after night, and he receives no punishment, no jail time, nothing, not even a day in Court. And maybe just maybe if pedophelia had been something that had been discussed with him during his youth then maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have been messed with and maybe now I would be struggling with my daily life.

      Ha. BAM.

      Sorry if that was hostile. I’m jut very passionate.


  5. Also as well having said, that’s absolutely your own opinion and it is similar to mine. Which I really appreciate, there is this wholeeeee other kind of person that also abuses children. Opportunistic as such.
    They just like the control. Which I guess is a while different topic in its self.


  6. We’ll have to agree to disagree then. I don’t believe that pedophilia is a genuine sexual orientation, comparable to being gay. I believe it is a series of bad choices. Perhaps some child molesters have a mental disorder similar to psychopaths, I’d say these are in the small minority.
    I am sorry that you suffered abuse as a child. I did too. And I can see the allure of thinking that if your abuser had received help then you might not have been harmed by him. The bottom line is: he made a choice, a really bad one. He shouldn’t be allowed to blame it on sexual orientation or a mental disorder. It was 100% his decision and 100% his fault. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your responsibility to stop him, that was the job of your carers, and it’s not your responsibility to save others now by campaigning for support for pedophiles.
    Please take good care of yourself. You deserve it.


    1. Oh I don’t think he at all has any right to blame it on an orientation or mental disorder either. I don’t believe the ones that actually offend deserve anything from anyone. I’m agreeing with you. Our abusers don’t get any of my sympathy.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you for your take on this topic. It’s extremely interesting to hear an objective and well thought out opinion on this. I completely agree with your points. As you say, a sexual orientation isn’t the issue – the abuse is the issue. I am very interested in educating people on ‘abusive’ traits, not to shame, but to make the average person re-think their potentially damaging behaviour. For example, I found a blog post that asked the reader to review a checklist and consider if they were perpetuating abusive behaviour ( It was refreshing to be made aware of damaging behaviour but in a non-judgemental/blaming way. My own experiences have, later in life, manifested in ways that have ended up hurt others (withdrawing, disassociating, ‘numbness’, abandonment/commitment issues), so reading the above list helped me to become accountable for my actions, no matter what my past was. Bringing it back to your point, it would be an ideal world where even the potential abuser can seek education on their ‘disorder’ and advice on what to do next, before it’s too late for them and others. Thanks again, please keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Georgia, Thanks for popping by. It’s something I feel pretty passionate about. We are just not doing enough. Yet.

      Oh yes, it absolutely would b incredible for those with this ‘disorder’ to have access to some kind of help. Imagine the change that could happen in the world.


  8. It’s a the other side of the approach that has been missing. I am 100% for harsher punishments for sex offenders of any kind, particularly ones involving children however in order for there to be punishment, there’s first a crime, and if there’s a crime there is a victim. No amount of prison time for an offender renders that victim free of their burden. That’s not going anywhere. Executing them even does not remove the experience from the victim. Punish the hell out of offenders, I’m right there with you all day and all night, but what we really want is for there to be NO victims. For that to happen we need to find a way to get out in front of this thing, and since compulsory psychological screening for the whole population is a) untenable, and b) unreliable, the fastest most efficient way to find these individuals and prevent further victims is to create an environment where they come forward willingly. Where measures are then taken to provide a framework within which they can live in such a way that the opportunity and the pressures that often trigger first offending are mitigated as much as possible.

    Is it an orientation? I don’t know. A disorder? The last in a long string of bad choices? I have no idea, but that’s partly because we don’t get a lot of opportunity to study how these things play themselves out. We don’t get to try early interventions. It DOES seem obvious that it is a compulsion of some kind, which of course makes it difficult for anyone without compulsions to understand. I don’t understand why someone would lock and unlock their door repeatedly, why they bite their nails, or eat their own hair when stressed, but people do. They are compelled to do so, and experience what to me seems like extreme discomfort and even physical symptoms when they try to ignore their compulsions.

    Maybe it wont work. Maybe there’s nothing for it, but the safety of our children is worth the effort, even if it makes us uncomfortable. We don’t have to ‘understand’ as such but we DO need to come up with a system that works, because the rates at which children are being abused is terrifyingly high.


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