I’m Antanika, I was born in 1985 in Australia to a 18 year old mother who later gave me 2 brothers, one of those brothers is the child of the man who sexually abused me, who remains unsupportive and in denial of my abuse.
I was sexually abused on a regular basis by one of my step dad’s from the ages of five until I was 11 years old. I kept this a secret from most people until I was 21 years old. I at that point was not able to actually begin to heal or even comprehend what happened to me, I spent years and years blowing it off as a joke or kept it deeply close to my chest till I couldn’t anymore. Which brought me to writing. Writing, this blog has changed my life. I think of this blog as another dimension of me, an extension you could say.
A place for me to go when I can’t find the words to speak out loud. A place that has given me a voice. A brutally honest place I can word vomit.
I took this to the police, three times, I was told it would never go to court because no one saw him actually do it. Despite many people knowing, and my own family seeing him in my room, there’s ‘nothing’ they can do.
So I have to make peace with this. My abuser, the man responsible for my depression, anxiety, PTSD and horrible flashbacks gets to have a life, unpunished for the ways he couldn’t control himself around me.
I am getting there. My world has been opened up because of the things I have experienced and I could almost be thankful because if not for this, I might not/ probably wouldn’t be who I am today.
I am a mother of 3 and a wife to a musician.
I am a lioness, a fairy queen, a survivor and a warrior.
I also do not like lollies or Gravy.
I welcome you to my world with open arms as long as you can have an open mind.